Grudge

Noun: a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.

People often link grudge to being "bitter" or a bad person, but I don't believe that's true. People think that if you hold a grudge, you're setting yourself up for a fail. I believe that a person can live their life even with a grudge of a past traumatic experience. In my opinion there are two types of a grudge:

1. Long-term Grudge: A long-term grudge is a grudge that consumes your everyday life. In a long-term grudge, you're giving that grudge the power to control you and affect the people around you. Long-term grudges would cause you to be impatient with certain people or situations that remind you of the past traumatic experience. You can't fully move on with a long-term grudge because you've already allowed it to fester.

2. Short-term Grudge: A short-term grudge is easier to manage because you've allowed yourself to be above the pain. In a short-term grudge, you understand that your behavior affects the people around you so you make peace with the situation and move on without letting it run your life. Understand that a short-term grudge is still a grudge so it doesn't mean that all is forgiven and the pain is gone. the pain will always be there, you're just in better control of it.

When I was young -like toddler stage- my mother put me through a series of traumatic events, one of which involved drugs. Your mother is supposed to protect you from things like this, not put you through it. As a result of these events, my mother lost custody of me to the state. She didn't really care, and I wasn't really sure what was going on. I've held a long-term grudge from beginning, up until 2 years ago. I guess as I got older and became a mother, I realized that I didn't want my mother's issues to define my life. Plus, I wanted my daughter to form her own opinion of her grandmother and not be corrupted by me. I knew I needed to move on and live my life. I recently asked a preacher if God would forgive me for not letting go of this pain and he looked at me and said, "God does not judge us for what we don't know or understand. He looks at the intentions of our hearts" then he prayed for me. I knew that this was something that I could never forgive her for and that the hope for a relationship between us was damaged. But I can live with this short-term grudge because I know I won't let it affect the rest of my life.

Under NO circumstance am I saying you should hold a grudge just because I did. I shared this post because I truly believe a person shouldn't be faulted for something they went through that wasn't their fault. It's not WHAT we go through that defines us, it's HOW we deal with it.